By Brad James (the new Bradfather)

PASADENA, Calif. (AP)—Tonight in southern California, computers have decided Texas and Alabama are worthy to play for an immaterial “national championship” because Division I-A college football believes they’re too good to determine a title the way all sports do.

I say this because college football at the I-A level is NOT a sport, regardless of what BCS spin doctors say. It is a beauty pageant, but unlike Miss Universe, the contestants would look horrendous in bathing suits. No scintillating Miss Italys or Miss Australias, I regret to inform you.

Right now, the biggest tool in the world has to be BCS executive director Bill Hancock. My brethren at playoffpac.com (please, visit this site and if you have money to give, donate!) have lampooned Hancock’s interview with Dan Patrick several weeks ago wherein NBC’s NFL halftime and Football Night in America host grilled Hancock on what you tell an unbeaten team (Texas Christian, Boise State, Cincinnati were all unbeaten and kept out of the “national championship” game) that didn’t get to play for a title.

Hancock’s asinine response is, “not everyone can play for a title. You had a great season.” Anyone who has a brain and loves sports has what my copy editor professor at Southern Utah University called their “B.S. meter” go off wildly. The way to rectify this is simply a playoff.

Playoffs are more indigenous to collegiate football than BCS apologists would have you believe. Speaking of Southern Utah University, they play in a division of college football I refuse to call anything but I-AA, although the preferred title by BCS bigwigs is Football Championship Subdivision. Incidentally, playoffs also occur in Divisions II and III of the NCAA. What is the reason for their reticence in having one at the highest level, where competition is clearly the best in collegiate spheres?

Quite aptly, this title is a reflection of what actually exists in this level of Division I football, a playoff. While ESPN buffoons such as Mark May and (Lispin’) Lou Holtz were having nonsensical arguments about who would play for a mythical championship, a real one was unfolding in I-AA.

On December 18, an exciting playoff was culminated when Villanova edged Montana at Chattanooga, Tenn. This was a majestic conclusion to exciting playoff games, such as Villanova and William & Mary and Montana and Appalachian State which saw the Mountaineers only lose to the Grizzlies on the final play of regulation.

All of these games were rife with meaning and intensity and for several years now, at the I-A level of college football, I have rightfully deduced that the emperor has no clothes. I am no longer bewitched nor hoodwinked by the fraudulent specter of the Sun Bowl, even if it does occur in my old stomping grounds of El Paso, Texas or the Orange Bowl or any other bowl that does not have “Super” in front of it.

Furthermore, the BCS consists of the most despicable criminals this country has ever seen, rife with agendas that do not have the best interests of the athletes themselves.

Hancock says a playoff will hurt the athletes’ ability to graduate and increase injuries.

Just so Hancock knows, I have heard these arguments before. An assistant coach at Arizona State University (a member of the Pac-10, one of the conferences whose rear end the BCS kisses) told me that when he coached at then I-AA Idaho, the playoff got everybody banged up, but the kids seemed to want one.

As to a playoff getting everybody “banged up,” as one who played football myself, I know injuries can occur at any time in any situation. There is no empirical evidence suggesting that playoffs create more injuries.

As for the academic argument, Montana’s Brandon Fisher (the son of the longest-tenured NFL head coach, Jeff Fisher of the Tennessee Titans) sported a 4.0 GPA, even though playoffs were occurring right through Finals. Again, I adroitly eradicate another nonsensical argument.

The federal government is already angry at the BCS for their illegal cartel and if this argument is the best they can do, they’ll go the way of VCR’s anyday now. As for me, this day cannot come soon enough. In any case, I tip my hat to the only Division I football champions for the 2009 season, the Villanova Wildcats!